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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674942">blame quinton harrington</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/spa_ghetto/pseuds/spa_ghetto'>spa_ghetto</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Julie and The Phantoms (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Fluff, Gen, Hugs, Internalized Homophobia, Worried Bandmates, anxiety attack, quinton harrington does not actually make an appearance, supportive bandmates</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 13:16:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,406</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26674942</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/spa_ghetto/pseuds/spa_ghetto</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Reggie, with his nice eyes.</p><p>Luke’s pretty smile.</p><p>Normal guys don’t notice things like that.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alex &amp; Bobby | Trevor Wilson &amp; Luke Patterson &amp; Reggie</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>266</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>blame quinton harrington</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I don't *think* this is a teen and up rating, but I'm not really sure. I give everything teen &amp; up just to be safe lol</p><p>but anyways, I wrote most of this immediately after watching the show the first time &amp; I never got around to finishing it until now. enjoy! and don't forget to tell me what you thought! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alex doesn’t realize what’s happening even after one of his drumsticks is laying on the ground behind him while the other is seconds away from snapping in his hand. He doesn’t hear the others slowly catching on to his silence, one instrument after another dropping off while they mumble their complaints to him. He doesn’t see Luke step closer, doesn’t catch the concerned question under his breath, doesn’t catch the hand squeezing his shoulder. He can’t. His tunnel vision may be trained on a speaker, but his mind is elsewhere, a dark place with insults and glass breaking and shouting, so much shouting.</p><p>He’s on his feet, but he can’t really feel his feet because everything is tingly. He probably shoves past Luke; something hard knocks against his shoulder as he heads for the door. Is that really the door he’s heading toward? Everything’s moving in a blur, fast and slow at the same time. It’s confusing; he can’t breathe.</p><p>Usually when he can’t breathe, he disappears to his room to pace and choke on staggered breath and pull at his collar until it’s stretched out and hangs limp around his neck.</p><p>But he doesn’t have a room to pace in anymore because he doesn’t have a house because his parents say they don’t have a son anymore. </p><p>And he <em>really can’t breathe</em>.</p><p>But he can still pull at his collar. His fingers hook under his shirt, and he tugs and tugs and tugs, but the pressure is still <em>there</em>. There’s a noose around his neck that he keeps pulling tighter, somehow. He tries asking for help, but it’s cutting off his vocal chords. His words tumble out scratchy and broken. A sharp pain cuts through his chest. What if he can’t sing anymore?</p><p>Through his blurred vision, he sees Luke. Much closer than he was two seconds ago, Luke has him by his shoulders. His fingers are curled so tightly into Alex’s arms that they’re needles; he expects blood. He wouldn’t mind blood. The needles are the first things he can focus on other than the strain at his throat.</p><p>“–lex,” Luke is saying. “Alex.” His voice. He’s got a great voice; Alex would smile if he could remember how.  Luke has always had a nice voice, soothing and sweet like honey. Alex could listen to him sing all day.</p><p>“Alex, buddy, breathe.” Luke’s hand cups Alex’s face. “You need to breathe, dude. C’mon, you’re scaring me.”</p><p>Scaring <em>you</em>? Alex chuckles, maybe, because the corner of Luke’s mouth curves into a smirk. Okay, he can focus on that. He can feel his cheeks stretch when he returns Luke’s smile. <em>Luke has such a pretty smile</em>.</p><p>The noose is loosening. So is his chest; it hurts only with the residue of strain. Though his smile falls, Luke’s doesn’t.</p><p>“There you go,” Luke praises. “You’re okay. Just keep breathing.”</p><p>“I’m… I’m scaring me too,” Alex admits quietly. He squeezes his eyes shut, and when he opens them, they’re wet. Through the blurs, he can see Luke’s smile faltering. To his right, Reggie makes his way over. He’s not looking too great either: worried. Afraid. Behind them is Bobby, lingering outside of their trio like he usually does, far away but close enough. They’re all watching him like he’s a glass vase teetering on the edge of a table.</p><p>“What do you mean?” Reggie asks.</p><p><em>Reggie has nice eyes</em>.</p><p>Normal guys don’t notice things like that.</p><p>“They kicked me out.”</p><p>Luke’s hand drops to the cut on his wrist. There wasn’t time to wrap it between his dad raging about the love letter and the start of band practice. Alex hoped they wouldn’t notice, but of course they did. They were his best friends.</p><p>“What happened?” Bobby says quietly. He’s inching closer, hands shoved in his pockets as he worries his bottom lip. Reggie told Alex once that Bobby lets them care for his anxiety because Bobby doesn’t know what to do. If Alex ever talked about it after having an attack, he’d reassure Bobby that he doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing most of the time either. It’s happened enough to be recognizable, but none of them are <em>experienced</em>.</p><p>When Alex doesn’t answer, Luke repeats the question, “Alex, what happened?” His voice is thick with anger; he’s practically shaking from it. Luke gets like that with them. He’s <em>so</em> protective, so loyal, caring. He’s been like that since they were kids. Usually, Alex tells him right away. He’s the first Alex turns to.</p><p>This time, he can’t find the words. Well actually, they’re on the tip of his tongue. Really, there are so many he can say: <em>I think boys are cute. I wrote a love letter to Quinton Harrington from math. When we were thirteen and spent the summer at the pool, I was actually checking out a pretty redhead in swim trunks while you guys were focused on the brunette lifeguard</em>.</p><p>But whenever he thinks about any of it, the noose is back, his throat is like cardboard, and his lungs quickly fill with cotton.</p><p>So instead, he lunges forward. He wraps his arms around Luke, burying his face in his shoulder. He hugs so tightly, just like Luke showed him. His dad stopped hugging him when he started middle school. It was something about men not being allowed to hug. Alex never completely understood, but when he met Luke—touchy Luke who slings his arms around their shoulders when they walk down the hall and grabs their faces instead of their shoulders when he’s trying to get their attention and hugs him when he starts feeling the least bit stressed—he realized his father was simply wrong. Had to be. How could you ever deprive yourself of something so warm and soothing just because you’re “supposed” to be strong and manly?</p><p>And of course, Luke returns the hug with no hesitation. Reggie squeezes his way in, arms curling around their backs. Reggie’s a good hugger too. Bobby joins seconds later, like he was hesitating—he had a similar upbringing as Alex, so getting used to affection like this was still new to him, too.</p><p>“You’re staying here,” Luke declares. His voice is muffled in the huddle, but it’s so loud in Alex’s head.</p><p>“Okay,” Alex agrees. He moves so his forehead is pressed against Luke’s shoulder. He sniffs. “Good. I definitely couldn’t survive on the streets.”</p><p>They laugh. Alex smiles through fresh tears.</p><p>“You could join that old man who plays bucket drums,” Reggie suggests as they finally break away. “You know, the one with missing teeth and a glass eye.” He chuckles. “Bet he’d love to have you.”</p><p>Alex shakes his head. “I think he’s <em>too</em> advanced for me. Remember his solo outside of Benny’s last Friday?”</p><p>Bobby snickers. “That went on for so long, our food had enough time to arrive <em>and</em> get cold.”</p><p>Luke hums. “Hollywood’s true talent.”</p><p>Reggie crosses his arms and looks Alex over. “Good news, you already have the homeless look going on.”</p><p>Alex laughs, eyebrows shooting up with surprise. He shoves Reggie. “Ouch.”</p><p>Bobby’s behind him suddenly, throwing an arm around his shoulders and running a hand across Alex’s head. “Now we just mess up the hair and—”</p><p>“Hey, hey, not the hair!” Alex pushes him away. He yanks Luke in front of him before beginning to fix his hair. “Too far guys.”</p><p>They laugh. Reggie steps past Luke to help flatten Alex’s hair. He gives a thumbs up of approval when it’s back to normal. And then he grins and gives a soft nudge of his elbow to Alex’s side to make him smile again—it works.</p><p>Alex grabs his abandoned drumstick from the floor next to Bobby’s guitar. When he returns to his set, he takes a deep breath. It’s easier now; his chest doesn’t hurt. There isn’t a strain on his throat. He takes another breath.</p><p>They’re watching him when he looks up. Worried, all of them. They have eyes on him, but… not like they’re waiting for him to break anymore.</p><p>“From the top?” Luke says, grabbing his guitar. </p><p>Alex thinks he’s actually asking: <em>Are you ready to start again?</em></p><p>He breathes a laugh.</p><p>And they grin back, and the studio is <em>lighter</em> because of it<em>. </em>Alex sighs deeply, savoring the way his lungs fill to the brim with air. He has a new appreciation for it.</p><p>“From the top,” he agrees.</p>
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